Little Hiccups

Today is going to be one of those embarrassingly raw posts. It just might be of the type where you'll be able to hear my voice as you read my words, or perhaps not. I would like for my words to resonate somewhere in that beautiful head of yours. What I really mean is that I hope some of this shit I'm about to say really fucking sticks.

 Yes. I do curse/swear/have full knowledge of the vulgarity I am displaying on this blog. If you don't like it get the fuck out.

I'm a person with emotions and feelings. Perhaps too much and too often have I put them out there on display to receive the criticisms and harsh words of others. Then again what is too much? And why limit my ability to share with a   insert person/place/thing .  My response to that is............because it hurts. It hurts to be used, let down and to get your hopes up soooo inexplicably high just to watch them come crashing down. That level of hurt doesn't just go away from one day to the next and if it does it will surface later. For when that tempest arrives it will break you down harder than a ton of bricks falling from the sky.

I've found myself wondering...."When do I begin to care again? With that same level of rigor and freedom?"

A part of me just wants to automatically respond, "Just let it go. Release it all and be content in knowing that everything has worked out as it should." On the other hand I say to myself "Well shit, that ended up pretty fucked up. So now what?" Do I continue on being jaded and knowing that I will continue to be disappointed and that most people have become too predictable?

I really dislike not having the answer and as with most things I went out to find an answer. Luckily for me I was cleaning out the outbox  of my personal email and stumbled along The PurposeFairy site. Now I don't know about you guys but I just read her stuff and I feel better. Everything feels like it makes sense again and the walls that I've built around myself aren't necessary. I can breath again and continue on.

So after my recent little fall I've decided to embark on a 21 Day Happiness Challenge, in an attempt to bring myself up again from whatever pit I was stewing in. Hopefully it works and sticks. I'll keep you lovelies updated.

And to all my lovely little meanies.....I love you. I sincerely do from the bottom of my tar heart.